


In Darkness and Hope: REDUX

by onequartercanadian



Series: Finding Freedom [6]
Category: White Collar
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Comfort/Angst, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kidnapping, Neal is just so PERFECT for whump, Neal!whump, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Psychological Torture, Psychological Trauma, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rewrite, Stalking, Tragedy, Which is why I've whumped Neal so MANY times, Whump, boy who cried wolf, family support, fic overhaul, hurt aftermath, man who cried wolf, neal needs a hug, original character is still an asshole, pain and suffering and agony oh my!, redux
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:42:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 19,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27608500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onequartercanadian/pseuds/onequartercanadian
Summary: !!!!IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!!So I wrote this fic about 4 years ago and it was the first fic I ever wrote. With over 4 years of experience under me, I decided to take another shot at the fic that started my writing journey. (Still connects to the sequel, Out of the Darkness)Peter always found Neal. Except when he didn’t. Neal takes comfort in that when a woman long forgotten from his past comes back and kidnaps him. Eventually Neal truly realizes that Peter wasn’t coming. That Peter wasn’t going to save him this time. Meanwhile Peter and Mozzie cannot seem to forgive themselves for failing Neal and stop at nothing to find him. When Neal gets back he has a long recovery ahead of him, but everyone who cares about him are with him every step of the way.Lots of angst, lots of hurt, lots of comfort. A lot of validation of feelings.
Relationships: Elizabeth Burke/Peter Burke, Neal Caffrey & Mozzie, Peter Burke & Neal Caffrey, Peter Burke & Neal Caffrey & Mozzie
Series: Finding Freedom [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/492637
Comments: 119
Kudos: 41





	1. What Happened Here???

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah. As I said in the summary, I decided to try this fic again but with the writing skills I have now. Kinda like a then vs now kinda thing. It still connects to it's sequel Out of the Darkness, so certain plot points, big and small, have been kept to ensure it connects but other parts have changed. Which of course is what makes it fun!

Neal was walking home after a long evening in the van doing surveillance. Well more like he annoyed Peter into letting him go home early. He picked up some wine on the way back for dinner. He figured Mozzie was already at his place so they’d hang out for a while and get buzzed before Mozzie would leave...or fall asleep on Neal’s couch. Whichever came first really. 

He got up to his apartment and noticed the door wasn’t locked. He knew Mozzie was there. He opened the door and Mozzie was sitting at his table with a book and a glass of wine. The bottle already looked half empty. 

“Enjoying yourself?” Neal sarcastically asked as he put the bag with the bottles of wine on the kitchen counter. 

“Just reading about the founding fathers, who weren’t good people so why people glorify them as government gods is beyond me, and how they would hate where their country is going.”

“So light reading?” Neal quipped. He grabbed a wine glass from the counter, sat down at the table across from Mozzie and poured himself a glass of wine. Conversation soon turned towards work. Jobs Mozzie was doing and cases Neal and Peter were working on. 

They just opened their third bottle of wine when they heard a knock at the door. Mozzie looked at the time on his phone, “Who’s coming here at 11pm on a Friday?”

“Probably no one good.” 

“Can we just ignore it?”

The knocking continued.

“We can see, but if they want to get in-”

“They will.” Mozzie finished and Neal nodded.

The knocking continued. Mozzie gestured for Neal to open the door. When Neal got up, Mozzie instinctively grabbed the wine opener from the table. The sharpest object on the table. 

When Neal opened the door he saw a woman of medium height, slim yet very muscular build, slightly tanned skin and dark long hair tied back in a ponytail. She was wearing dark jeans and a black shirt with a black leather jacket.

“Hey, Neal. Long time no see.”

“Who are you?”

“We’ll get to that in a second.” She let herself into the apartment. “Hey, Mozzie.”

Mozzie and Neal were both wondering who the fuck she was.

“What do you want?” Mozzie asked, now standing near the kitchen counter, ready to grab a knife from the cutting board. It wasn’t too sharp but it was something. 

“I want  **_you_ ** , Neal.”

“What?”

She reached to the back waistband of her black jeans and pulled out what appeared to be a gun.” 

“Woah!” The men were in shock and immediately put their hands up.

“You don’t need that.” Neal tried to talk her down, “We can just talk. Lower the gun. We can talk.”

“I don’t want to talk.”

“What do you want?” Neal asked, hiding fear in his voice at the sight of a gun. “Anything I don’t have I can get for you. Trust me.”

“Oh I know. But I said I want  **you** , Neal.” She looked over at Mozzie. “Not you. I should have gone with my Plan B because I know you basically live here, but according to my recon you shouldn’t be here right now.” 

Mozzie did have a job but it happened to be postponed because the target implemented new security protocols so they needed to wait until they figured out a way around them.

“What are you talking about? You’ve been following us?”

“Well I had to get to know you, the current you.” 

“What do you want? What’s your plan?” Neal knew she had one, he just had no clue what the fuck it was. 

“Enough chit chat.” She pointed the gun at Mozzie. 

His eyes widened, “NO!” Before he knew it there was a tranquilizer dart in his chest, right next to his heart. She shot another one in the same area.

“Mozzie!” Neal ran over to him. 

“Get away. Now.” She demanded. 

“What the fuck!?” Neal looked up from a now unconscious Mozzie. 

“Now it’s your turn.” She shot him twice in the chest before he could respond. He tried to stay upright as long as possible. He saw his phone on the table. He desperately tried to get over to the table, just mere inches from where he was. 

He didn’t make it. He was unconscious before he could grab it.

* * *

When Mozzie woke up he was so groggy he didn’t remember anything. The wine and tranquilizer made his mind scattered. His head hurt and his throat felt cottony. He quickly realized he was tightly bound and gagged. He was sitting in the corner of Neal’s closet. He looked around for Neal, but he wasn’t there. All he remembered was a woman with long dark hair coming into the apartment. Nothing else. He writhed in the restraints. He knew it would take a while to get out of them. 

He was right. 

It seemed like forever, in reality it was several hours, but he finally managed to wiggle a hand out of the ropes. He freed himself and ran towards the door. It was locked. He went looking for his lockpick set in his pocket, but it wasn’t there. 

“Fuck.” He muttered. He tried his second and third lockpick sets he normally had on him at all times. They were gone too. Along with his main phone and both of his backup burner phones. 

He wanted to scream to see if Neal was still in the apartment but knew it was a stupid idea if the woman was still there. He scoured Neal’s closet looking for anything he could use as a lockpick. He eventually found some tie clips. It took longer than he thought but he finally managed to make them into a lockpick. 

He managed to get the door open, he slowly crept out of the closet. 

He wished he had anything to protect himself in case she was still there. He slowly entered the main room to find that Neal wasn’t there either. Neither was the woman. “Neal?” He called out, “Neal, are you here?” The afternoon sun shone through the French bay windows. “Fuck.” He muttered. Wherever Neal and the woman were, she had a 12+ hour head start. 

He almost missed it in the frantic search for Neal and to get the fuck out of there, but the anklet was sitting on the table, untampered with. 

“FUCK!”

He ran to the door but realized it was locked too. He found a lockpick set Neal had hidden away and picked open the door. Mozzie checked the rest of the house, which was empty. June was visiting family for the month. 

He ran to the FBI building.

* * *

He didn’t see Peter anywhere but he saw Jones and Diana. He ran up to them, “I need to see Peter right fucking now!” 

Between Mozzie’s presence at the FBI, his urgency, and the fact that he called Peter by his name and not his usual Suit, they knew they were at DEFCON 1. 

“He’s not in. They went to Connecticut for the weekend. What’s wrong?”

“WELL GET HIM HERE RIGHT NOW! NEAL’S GONE! SOMEONE TOOK HIM!”

Jones and Diana’s faces scrunched in confusion. “What?”

“We were hanging out at his place. Then a woman showed up. Next thing I remember I’m stuck in Neal’s closet, Neal’s gone and the anklet is sitting untampered with on the table.”

They realized Mozzie was probably up to something. “We’ll call Peter right now.”

* * *

Several hours later Peter made it Neal's place “What’s wrong? Neal’s gone?” 

“Yes.” Mozzie filled him in on what little he knew. 

Peter looked at Jones and Diana, “Have you checked this apartment.” 

“It matches Mozzie’s story.”

Peter carefully inspected the area. “Where’s his go bag?” Mozzie looked up at him, “I know he has one. Where is it?”

“Behind that picture.” He pointed to the small painting near the bed.

Peter pointed to it, “Here?” It seemed too small.

“One might say, ‘it’s bigger on the inside’.” 

Peter went to move the picture but saw it had hinges on one side. It opened to be a secret compartment, larger on the inside as Mozzie had said. Peter found a duffel bag. He pulled it out and looked inside. All his false ids, passports, and a lot of cash were still there untouched.

“He wouldn’t leave without his go bag or me. We run together. It's _always_ been that way. He'd _never_ run without me.” 

“I know he wouldn’t.” Peter was thinking, “So...what happened? Why didn’t the anklet trigger? You said there was a woman.” Mozzie nodded, “So who is she and what does she have to do with this?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah. 
> 
> What do you guys think?
> 
> Should I continue???


	2. A Terrifying New Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neal wakes up in an impenetrable hellhole and finds out who took him and why. When he tried to escape, things get very ugly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omfg thank you all for the lovely comments last chapter!! I hope to be consistent with this fic. Staying inspired and motivated, along with knowing you guys want to read, will keep me going. I LOVE to talk about writing and fandom so I would love to chat in the comments or elsewhere with you guys!
> 
> Also here's a new playlist for the fic! https://spoti.fi/38U9BDz

Neal slowly clawed his way back to consciousness. His throat was dry and cottony. His head was pounding. He realized that he was laying on a bed face down. He figured he passed out last night after too much wine. He didn’t remember anything from the previous evening. He slowly opened his eyes and saw the light blue pillow case and felt that he was laying on a fleece blanket. 

He didn’t have a fleece blanket on his bed...and his pillow cases were white. 

He whipped up so fast he saw stars and nearly passed out again. He wasn’t in his apartment. Instead he was in a tiny cabin, only a few hundred square feet. He immediately ran to inspect the door. He saw a keypad next to the door. “What the fuck?” He inspected it and recognized the brand and model. He knew the brand specialized in 10 digit alphanumeric codes. 

He was never going to break it without help.

He inspected the hinges but they were never going anywhere because they were bolted in. He tried looking at the base of the door but he couldn’t feel nor hear anything. “That must be one hell of a weather strip” He muttered. There were no windows in the tiny cabin. He ran his fingers across the logs on the wall to find they were reinforced with a kind of elastomeric coating, mainly used to reinforce parts of industrial roofs, parts of tractor trailers, and other similar equipment from the elements. He knew it would take somewhere between 700-1,000 pounds of force to even make a dent in it. That’s how strong it was.

He started taking deep breaths to prevent the all but inevitable panic attack. He was really getting scared shitless now. He ran his hands through his hair. He frantically looked around. He saw a little living area with an ugly red and black plaid loveseat next to a boarded up fireplace and a small locked cabinet. He looked to his right and saw a small bathroom and a kitchen to his left. All furniture was bolted down.

‘ _What the fucking fuck did I just fall into?’_

He ran into the small kitchenette. He immediately saw all cabinets and drawers were locked with a padlock. There was a small bar with some soft and squishy barstools that were bolted to the floor. A small wooden table and chairs bolted to the floor. He inspected the area to see if he could make a lockpick from anything, but he didn’t find anything more dangerous than some flimsy paper towels. He ran over towards the bathroom to look for _anything_ useful. He found nothing. The shower bar was bolted into the wall. The toilet lid was cemented on with the same stuff the walls were covered in. The cabinet below the sink was locked with a padlock and there was no mirror. Anything on him that could be used a lockpick or even possibly a defense weapon was gone. He didn’t have his shoes on nor his tie. She took the couple of lockpick sets he normally had on him at all times. 

He walked back into the main room running his hands through his hair trying to process it all. 

“Wait!” He looked down and saw the anklet wasn’t there. He let out a huge sigh of relief. Peter already knows he’s gone...but Peter better not think he ran. Because obviously how you look for missing people is far different than a fugitive. 

He had no idea what to do next. He wondered who’s doing this and why. He knew they must have used one hell of a drug because he didn’t remember anything past coming home and drinking with Mozzie. Suddenly a memory hit him, a woman. A woman came to the door. Neal knew she had to be connected.

He looked around the dank dark cabin. There were a few ceiling lights but that was it. It smelled rotten and stale. There was a chill that settled deep in your bones. The kind that made it nearly impossible to ever get warm again. 

He eventually just sat in the corner and waited.

* * *

After what seemed like an eternity he finally heard the door unlock. He got up, still standing in the corner. The woman came in with a few reusable grocery bags while humming. 

“Hey, Neal.” She sounded eerily happy and casual. Like she didn’t just kidnap a guy and put him in a seemingly impenetrable hellhole. 

“Who the fuck are you? What the fuck is this?”

“Like the new place? It cost a pretty penny but I think it came out really well.” She put the grocery bags on the bar and started unpacking them. There were lots of plastic containers of meat and canned fruit and veggies. 

“What the fuck are you doing?!” His voice got more eager and angry to hide the fear. 

She sighed and stopped what she was doing. “Jesus Christ am I going to have to explain it all? You’re smart, Neal. Figure it out.” Her voice was dismissive. “I’m thinking of a roast deer for tonight. Maybe some veggies. What do you think?” She looked at him. 

This was _so different_ from _anything_ he had ever experienced before. Normally when he was fucked with they were pretty angry and got to the point rather quickly. Now she’s talking about food? 

“Where are we? Why are you doing this?”

She sighed again, “I really have to spell it out for you, don’t I? But I guess on the other hand I’m not surprised you don’t remember me. I wasn’t a part of your con therefore I was invisible...I **_will not_ ** be invisible anymore.”

“I’m so sorry if I hurt you in any way, but this isn’t the answer.”

“No it is, Neal.” She walked closer to him, cornering him. Talking like all this made sense...because to her...it did. “I’m Christina Mendoza. I interned for Vincent Adler. I always tried to get your attention, but you never gave me the time of day.”

“I’m so sorry, but this isn’t the answer.”

“Now you can’t ignore me _ever again_ .” He felt like she was staring into his soul. “I built this place from the ground up. I made _sure_ to make it, how do you say, ‘Caffrey Proof’. How do you think I did?”

“What?”

“I always thought love at first sight was for morons...then I saw you and yeah. By that logic I’m one of those morons.” Neal scrunched his face in confusion, she smiled and got right in his face. “You’re cute when you’re confused. Now, we can have it all. Freedom. Security. Hopefully soon, we’ll be a happy family, kids and all” She pulled away from him.  
This really came out of left field for Neal. His heart skipped a beat. “You’re insane.”

She shrugged, “Maybe I am, maybe I’m not, but that’s not the point. You’re going to follow _everything_ I say or else you will be punished. Punishments depend on the severity of the infraction.”

“Peter’s going to find me. He **_always_ **does.” Neal seemed confident, almost cocky.

Christina laughed, “He thinks you ran. I made sure. Hacked the anklet and everything. I also took care of your friend, Mozzie.”

Neal’s eyes widened in fear, “What did you do to Mozzie?”

Overdosed him on tranquilizer and threw his body in the East River. Even if they do find his body, he’ll _never_ be identified. Because that’s how he lived. Erasing every bit of trace he existed.”

Neal nervously gulped and his heart felt like it stopped. His knees felt like they were going to buckle. “No. No no no no.”

She smiled. “So it’s just you and me now. Hopefully we’ll have a family by early next year.”

He barely thought to ask about Peter because he was in shock over Mozzie. “You didn’t. You didn’t.”

“Why wouldn’t I? If he’s gone then Peter will really think you ran.”

She actually was caught by surprise to see Mozzie at Neal’s as she thought he’d be at a job that night. So she only brought her tranquilizer gun. She shot Mozzie a couple times and tied him up in the locked closet to buy her time. She was confident that her plan was going to work, even if Mozzie was alive. Because she was _certain_ no one would be able to find the cabin and connect it back to her.

She walked back to the kitchen and got back to unloading the plastic containers of meat and canned veggies and fruits. She pulled out some herbs, “I pulled these from the garden the other day. They should be really good and fresh. We’re going to be living completely off the grid. Power, water, food, everything.”

‘ _This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening.’_

* * *

He sat on the bed, his mind racing a million miles an hour, as he watched her prepare what was apparently dinner. He saw her using a knife to cut some carrots. All he needed was an opening. She put the knife down and turned around to check on the deer in the oven. He ever so silently and slowly got up and reached for the kitchen knife. He picked it up and put it behind his back. He sat back down. 

She turned back around and immediately saw the knife was missing. If looks could kill, Neal would be slaughtered. 

“Looking for this?” He raised up the knife with a grin.

She scoffed, “What are you going to do? Kill me? I’m the only one who knows the code to the door. I’m taking it to my grave. Unless you can guess a 10 digit alphanumeric code.” She didn’t take Neal any bit seriously. “So yeah. Go ahead. Kill me. You’ll starve here in a couple weeks.”

“Yes. I _will_ kill you if I have to.”

She openly laughed, “That’s hilarious.” Her laughter stopped on a dime and she got deadly serious. “You know, I thought we were going to have a nice first evening together.” She came over to him. Neal got up from the bed holding the knife out in front of him. She managed to get the knife from him by effortlessly flipping him over with one hand. He landed on his ass. “I have a blackbelt in Karate, Tae Kwon Do, Hapkido, and Krav Maga. I can beat your ass anyday. I can throw you into next week if I wanted to. I don’t need weapons. They’re just fun.”

Neal was in shock, that all happened very fast. 

She put the knife to his throat, “Now unfortunately, I have to punish you.” She punched him the face, sending him unconscious.

* * *

He woke up, tied spread eagle on the bed. He just had his pants on which alarmed him. She came out of the bathroom with a small bottle. “You know, I hate to do this, but you forced my hand. I have no choice.”

“You’re fucking crazy!”

“Take a couple deep breaths. This is going to _really_ fucking hurt.” She got closer to him. 

“The fuck is that!?” He squirmed in the restraints.

“Just a little drain cleaner. This should teach you.” She got closer and closer to him.

“NO NO NO NO NO NO!” 

She placed a drop on his foot making his scream. She smiled and poured some more on a small area of his foot. He convulsed and screamed in agonizing pain. The skin turned bright red and Christina saw a few small bubbles. She saw it eat away at the skin. After a few seconds she got a bucket of water and splashed some on the foot to cool it down. She poured it on another part of his foot, repeating the process a couple times. Then she moved on to his other foot and did the same thing. Afterwards, his feet were various shades of red and parts were white. There were tiny indents in his feet where the cleaner was poured.

She got into his face and got his attention. His face was beat red from screaming and crying in pain. “This is what happens when you piss me off So I would _strongly_ advise against it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what do you think??


	3. Don't Let Me Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neal is still confident that Peter will find him, so he placates Christina until she demands something of him he never thought she'd actually demand.
> 
> Peter and Mozzie struggle to start the search for their friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from; Don't Let Me Down; The Chainsmokers and Daya

Neal woke up, thinking all that was just some fucked up dream. He heard a pan sizzle and a spatula scraping against it. For a second he thought he was in his apartment, Mozzie was making breakfast cause he fell asleep on Neal’s couch again. He opened his eyes and saw that this was not a dream, it was _very_ real. He had passed out last night from all the pain. 

“Morning! Making some omelets! Thinking of getting some chickens so we can have fresh eggs.” Christina was standing at the stove in a lacey navy blue tank top and shorts.

Neal immediately removed the brown fleece blanket and saw his feet were bandaged and he didn’t feel any pain, but he certainly felt out of it and foggy. When he bent his arm it hurt, like a needle was sticking in it. Because one was. He saw an iv needle in his arm and followed the tubing to where three iv bags were tied to the bed, hanging off. He went to pull out the needle when Christina warned, “Don’t do that.” He looked up at her, “Don’t make things more difficult on yourself.” She threatened. 

“What’s in these?”

“Oh just some painkillers, fluids, and antibiotics. Don’t want you getting an infection.”

‘ _Oh yeah don’t want to die before you can kill me...if that is your plan...what is your plan exactly? Because what you said yesterday was just incoherent. Also, why the absolute_ **_fuck_ ** _should I believe you? You’ve already drugged me before.”_

She slid the omelets on two plates, put them on the table, and walked over towards the bed. She untied the iv bags and handed them to him. “Go eat.” She commanded.  
He was starving. He hadn’t eaten in a while. So as much as he wanted to stay away from anything she made, he knew he had to eat something. 

As soon as he put any weight on his feet he knew he was fucked. He could barely walk, let alone run. He slowly walked over and hung the iv’s from the chair. 

Neal reluctantly took a bite of the omelette. It was weird...because it was actually pretty tasty, which fucked with his head even more. 

“I’ve got to do some chores outside today. Need you to do some things inside.”

“I don’t get it. Why the fuck are you doing this?” He couldn’t understand what was going on because everything she said before was too batshit crazy to believe.

She rolled her eyes, “Thought I explained this yesterday. Maybe you’re a little foggy from the drugs. You’ve always wanted your freedom, right?” Neal slightly squinted in confusion. “Well I gave it to you. You never have to worry about the authorities again. _No one_ , not even Peter, will find us here. You’re free.”

“This isn’t freedom.”

“Give it some time, you’ll get used to it.” Seemingly shutting down the conversation.

* * *

After breakfast, she took the iv bags and took the needle out of his arm. “I think you’ve had enough for now. Maybe more later.”

Neal was glad he was no longer getting dosed with whatever the fuck that drug cocktail was. Because he didn’t believe it was just painkillers, antibiotics, and fluids, but he was pissed because that needle was a perfect lockpick. He knew she knew that. 

Christina got dressed in some black leggings and a light blue athletic tank top. Neal was just in some blue pajama pants, which he didn’t remember putting on which really alarmed him.   
“Can I have a shirt?” 

“No.” She didn’t miss a beat which made Neal feel very uncomfortable because he felt too exposed without a shirt. 

She gave him some chores to do and left, blocking his view of the code with her body and hands.

Neal immediately tried to find a way out. Checking the walls and door again. Checking all the furniture. It took much longer than yesterday because he could barely walk. He didn’t know when she was coming back. How much time he had to look. He also knew he had to get the chores done because he was lowkey afraid of what she would do if they weren’t done. 

His mind was racing a million miles an hour. ‘ _Peter’s going to find you. He’s already looking. He knows you didn’t run. He’s going to come any minute now. The only person smarter than him...is me.’_ He was rather calm because Peter _always_ found him. He had a perfect record of finding Neal. ‘ _Mozzie’s fine, he’s reluctantly helping Peter. Then Mozzie will complain to me about how he had to work with the Feds. I’ll be back at work on Monday. This is just a bad weekend. That’s all. Peter’s coming.’_ He took comfort in this. He almost completely dismissed it. So he wasn’t too concerned about Peter not finding him. Because he _always did._ He believed in Peter. He trusted Peter. The only person he _ever_ believed in. The only person he _ever_ trusted. 

But there was that voice in the back of his head, ‘ _Peter’s not coming. And Mozzie’s dead. You’re stuck in this hellhole. Guess it’s karma for all the shit you’ve done. You’re_ **_going_ ** _to die here.’_

Neal had been more or less on his own most of his life, he was _very_ knowledgeable on how to survive on the streets. As a conman, you don’t get to your early thirties without some damn good survival skills. 

He knew not to listen to that voice. He knew how to block it out.

For now.

He knew the best thing was to placate Christina until Peter came. To stay alive as well as being lowkey terrified of what she’d do next if he acted out. 

So that’s what he did. He counted the days because they were pretty routine. Just like when he was in prison...but prison had a definitive end date. This didn’t.

Everyday was more or less the same, breakfast, chores, then she’d come in and want to watch movies or read books with him. It all messed with his head more than he cared to admit. At night she’d snuggle up next to him with made him _extremely_ uncomfortable.

Little did he know that was just the tip of the iceberg.

After several days he started to get concerned. Peter hadn’t come yet. He could only placate this batshit crazy bitch for so long before she caught on.

One evening she went to take a shower and said, “I’m going to shower. Come on.”

He squinted in confusion. “Come on.” She motioned for him to follow her. He reluctantly did. “Take off all your clothes.” He was only wearing pajama pants because she still hadn’t given him a shirt. He gulped. She snapped her fingers, “Come on. I don’t have all day.” 

So he unwillingly pulled down the pajama pants. “Underwear too.”

He gulped. A shiver went down his spine. He _really_ did not want to do this. She raised her eyebrows in a way that said, ‘do it or else.’ and he didn’t want to find out what ‘or else’ meant. So he slowly pulled down his boxers and immediately covered himself. Christina immediately moved her hands from his crotch. She looked down with a nod and a smile.

“Nice package. Just as I imagined.” He was blush red. “Don’t be embarrassed. You have a great package. Be proud of it...although I have to say, you’re so cute when you’re embarrassed.”

She started the water and as she waited for it to get hot, she took off her leggings and tight sports bra. She got under the hot spray, “Come on.”

He took a deep breath and did as told. 

She smiled at his dick. “Let’s see how you use your very spectacular package.”

* * *

Peter had just gotten out of a meeting with his bosses. Mozzie was right outside waiting for him.

“What did they have to say?”

“I managed to convince them that Neal didn’t run…”

“But,”

“They say there’s no evidence for this to be a federal case. Especially not a white collar case.”

“So what? He works for you, right? Or when he _actually_ needs the Suits’ help, they bail on him.”

“They’re tossing a case to the NYPD.”

“Where the junior “detective” won’t give a single fuck because he’s a criminal. Won’t realize that he’s a real person and has people who care about him.” Mozzie used the corresponding air quotes.

Peter sighed, “Basically.”

“You’d think the Suits would want to find him so they get his free expert help.”

Peter put his hand on Mozzie’s shoulder, “This just means we can’t use Bureau resources. But between the two of us, our connections and resources, even outside the Bureau, we _will_ find him. We _will._ ”

Peter didn’t know who he was trying to convince, Mozzie or himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, that's intense and depressing. Thoughts?


	4. No One Has to Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neal tries to comprehend what happened that evening. He's in complete shock over what happened. Later he finds that telling Christina, no, is not an option..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been on a writing roll recently after not writing for a couple months. So I'm really making the most of it.

That evening, Christina was asleep in bed, cuddling up to him which made his skin crawl. He really didn’t want to be touched or be anywhere near her. 

‘ _ What the fucking fuck? What the fuck was that? How did that happen? Why did that happen? How did...how...how did she get  _ **_that_ ** _ reaction out of me? I didn’t want to give her that reaction. Why did my body betray me like that?’  _

He was still in shock over what happened that evening. Even though it was in the shower, he felt so dirty and gross. Like he’d never be clean again. He felt dirty on the inside and out with no way to get clean.

‘ _This goes without saying but you’re taking this to the grave._ ** _No one_** _has to know about this. No one has to know. Not Mozzie, not Peter._ ** _No one_** _.’_ He fought to repress the memories of what happened, but it wasn’t working. He couldn’t get it out of his mind. ‘ _What if this isn’t a one time thing? What if she wants to do this more often? What would she do if I refused? Can I talk her out of it? At the bare minimum use birth control?’_ He couldn’t believe these were the thoughts he was having. ‘ _Will she beat me into next week if I refuse? Because that can’t happen again. It simply_ ** _can’t._** **’**

He kept telling himself,  **‘** _ No one has to know. No one has to know. No one has to know. If she brings it up, vehemently deny it. You’re taking this to the grave. No one has to know.’  _

If only it were that easy.

* * *

He didn’t sleep at all that night. He just laid there wide awake. His mind raced. ‘ _ You have to get the fuck out of here. Somehow. Peter has to be on his way... _ **_right_ ** _? No, he definitely is. He definitely is. Just never admit what happened tonight. You don’t have to. Nobody has to know.’ _

Christina woke up the next morning, “Good morning.” Neal tried not to look at her. “Last night was so much fun. Can’t wait to do it again.” Neal’s eyes widened, his breath hitched, and his heart skipped a beat.

‘ **_NO!_ ** _ ’ _

She smiled, “Good thing I’m still ovulating. Maybe it will happen this month.”

“What?”

“Yeah, I’m ovulating.” She was very matter-of-fact.

Neal turned beet red and felt like he was about to vomit. He was both freezing cold and boiling hot simultaneously. ‘ _ SHE’S OVULATING AND IS FULL OF YOUR SPERM!’  _

Christina noticed the obvious panic attack. She placed her hand on his heart, “Relax. You’ll be a wonderful father. Just like I’ll be a wonderful mother.”

Neal couldn’t believe what he was hearing. 

“I’m going to make some breakfast. How do scrambled eggs sound?” She got up and put a small lace nightgown over her red lace tank top and shorts. She pulled some keys out from a lockbox with a keypad under the bed and walked into the kitchen to make breakfast. All of the food and utensils were locked away.

Neal was just trying not to vomit. He tried to calm himself down and breathe. ‘ _ Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.'  _ He kept telling himself. He knew that he could not break down here. Not in front of her. That would be showing too much vulnerability to the person who would use it against you for their own gain. 

He  _ had _ to be strong. 

Because he had no other choice.

* * *

That night she tried again, but on the bed. She pulled down his grey pajama pants but Neal pushed her away, “How about tomorrow?”

Her face turned deadly serious. “Why not?”

“Just very tired.” Shitty reason but his mind went blank. He was still in shock from last night. 

“I don’t care.” She pulled his boxers off. 

Neal grabbed them and covered himself. “Maybe now it’s a good time. We should wait a little, you know. Until we get more used to each other. You know?”

“I think now’s a perfect time.” She went to move the boxers covering Neal’s crotch. 

“No. Please no. Not tonight. Please. No.” He slammed his eyes shut and all but begged.

She had a murderous look on her face. “You  _ never _ say that word to me.  _ NEVER. _ ” She got off him and stormed towards the door. She entered the code and left, closing the door with a loud slam.

“Wait!” 

He was lowkey afraid she wasn’t coming back. 

She ended up coming back a few minutes later with some rope, a lighter, and a box of cigarettes. “You were doing so well, Neal. But unfortunately, I have to punish you.”

“No no no no. Please. I’m sorry. You don’t have to do this!”

“Of course I do.” She grabbed his hand and pulled it towards the top corner of the bed, tying it in place. She did the same for the other hand and feet. She pulled a cigarette from the carton and lit it. She took a puff, “You know, I’ve always been interested in the close relationship between pain and pleasure. What about you?”

He thought that was more of a rhetorical question and knew that this was going to go  _ nowhere _ good. 

She traced her fingers down his stomach and abs which sent him shivering. “Haven’t you ever felt that rush when a blade slices into skin and sends you reeling?”

Again, Neal thought it was more of a rhetorical question. “I asked you a question, Neal.”

“No.”

She took a puff of the cigarette. The smell of tobacco was all around him. She looked down at his dick with a smile. She grabbed it and slowly stroked it, Neal tried to get away from the touch but there was nowhere to go. She slowly started getting the reaction she wanted. Neal tried to stop it but his body was betraying him in the worst possible way. Again. He groaned as she continued to get the reaction she wanted. He squirmed in the restraints trying to get away. "You're so cute when you struggle. It's very attractive."

As she stroked, she took another puff of the cigarette. She had a devilish smile when she looked at Neal then down at his crotch. She slowly moved her hand with the cigarette down towards his crotch. He twisted around in the ropes in despair. “No! No! No!”

She slowly lowered the cigarette towards his balls. 

“NOO!” 

She gently put the cigarette on one of his balls. Neal screamed as white hot pain sent him out of his mind. She held it for three endless seconds. When Neal was finally able to catch his breath he saw he was very stiff.

It made no sense to him.

“Wow. You did magnificent, Neal.” Christina softly smiled. “Absolutely amazing!” 

She climbed on top of him, “I’d like to test this theory even more.”

Once she was finished with him after the release. She laid down next to him and fell asleep. Neal was wide awake. 

‘ _ What the fuck was that? Why did I react like that?  _ **_Again!_ ** _ What the fuck! Why did my body betray me  _ **_again!’_ ** A voice in the back of his head said, ‘ _ You wondered what would happen if you refused her advances...well now you know.’ _

He realized that saying no was not an option.

‘ _Breathe. Breathe. Breathe._ _ No one has to know. No one has to know. No one has to know.’ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yeah. didn't expect for that to happen, it just kinda did. 
> 
> Also I feel the deep shock and the 'no one needs to know' mentality would be pretty common for a sexual assault victim, especially a man. I also just think it adds such an emotional gut punch. What do you think?
> 
> I'm so sorry this is so short. We're going to get some bigger chapters soon, I promise!!!! ♥️


	5. What Happens Now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter and Mozzie continue to look for Neal but they have little to go on. Neal continues to bear his hell-like reality when he gets news that turns his world upside down.

Peter sat at his kitchen table looking at a file deep in thought. Elizabeth came up behind him with a plate of tacos, “Eat up, hun.” She se the plate on the table and put her hands on his shoulders, “Looking over Neal’s case.”

“There _has_ to be more to this. There _has_ to be. This woman is a ghost.” Peter remained fixated on the very thin file. He managed to make a copy before the case was pushed to the NYPD.

She pat him on the shoulder, “You’ll find him. You always do. You’ve found him with less evidence before.”

“Yeah but in how long?” Peter finally looked up at her. “And I had the entire strength of the Bureau and multiple other organizations behind me. Now it’s just me and Mozzie.”

Elizabeth curled her brow in confusion, “Still can’t believe that they refused to take the case. After everything Neal has done for the Bureau. You’d think the _one_ time Neal could actually _benefit_ from the Bureau they drop him like a hot potato. You’d think they’d be motivated to get him back for even selfish reasons.”

“At the end of the day, they don’t give a shit. It’s only us now.”

“Well Neal knows you’re looking and you’ll find him in no time. You found him in Cape Verde pretty quickly on very little.”

Peter scoffed, “Yeah but I had Ellen Parker’s help. I’m not just going to find more help like that.”

Elizabeth consoled her husband, “You’ll find him. He’ll be fine and say something like, ‘took you long enough’ or ‘now you’re 4-0’. You’ll be back working cases in no time.” 

Deep down both Peter and Elizabeth knew this was a pipedream. It had been two weeks and they had jack shit. Deep down, they knew this was going to be a marathon, not a sprint.

Elizabeth looked at what was on Peter’s laptop, “What’s this?”

“A list of women who he might have pissed off from past cases. Mozzie’s working on his own list.” Being a conman who works for the FBI doesn’t make you a lot of friends.

Peter got up, “I’m going back to his apartment. She _has_ to have left something. There’s something I’m missing. I just know it.” Peter grabbed his badge, gun, wallet, phone, and keys. Elizabeth came back with a tupperware container with the tacos in them, “Make sure to eat, hun.”

“Alright. Bye hun”

“Bye hun.” He kissed his wife goodbye.

* * *

Mozzie was meeting with anyone and everyone that could have info on what happened to Neal. No one wanted to work with authorities. He managed to find an old friend.

“Mozzie, long time no see.”

“Hey, Alex.” They met at a nearby park. 

Alex sat on the bench next to Mozzie. It was a warm sunny afternoon. “I got your message. Someone has Neal? Or did he run? Wouldn’t blame him if he did.”

“He didn’t run.” Mozzie was dead serious.

“Are you even sure he’s...alive?” Alex had to ask.

“Of course! He’s Neal!” His dead serious tone continued which told Alex everything she needed to know about his potential denial of how bad the situation could be. “I was _there_ and I can’t remember jack shit!” He started getting loud and people were taking notice. Alex motioned for him to tone it down. 

“What evidence do you have?.”

“We know a woman with dark hair entered his apartment.”

Alex closed her eyes and sighed, “So you have jack shit.”

Mozzie was quick to correct her, “No. The evidence just has not presented itself yet.”

Alex gave him a sad consoling smile. “I don’t know anything but I can certainly put the word out and ask around.”

“Thank you.”

Alex slightly bit her lip. She didn’t know whether or not to bring this up, “What if he ran off because the Feds won’t let him go. He knows in order to _truly_ disappear, he’d have to leave you behind.”

Mozzie vetimently shook his head. He got up and started to pace, “No. No. He’d never do that. You run, I run, that’s the rule.”

“It could have happened, Mozzie. It could have.”

“No. No. We’re done here,” Mozzie stormed off. Alex ran up the path to catch up with him. 

“Mozzie.” She grabbed his shoulder to get his attention. He glared at her. Her voice was gentle and encouraging. “You’ll find him. Burke will find him. I really hope he’s okay. Let me know if-when you find him. I’ll reach out too.”

“Thanks.”

“Of course.”

* * *

Weeks turned into a month, which turned into two, which turned into three. Neal started losing weight as she fed him as little as possible. Making him always hungry. Some days if she felt the need to ‘punish’ him, she wouldn’t give him food. He thought it was more bearable than some of her other punishments. 

Neal started to become terrified that Peter wasn’t going to find him. 

But he believed in Peter.

He trusted Peter.

He kept telling himself that Peter was just taking longer this time. He _had_ to keep telling himself that. 

It also didn’t help that spending months isolated without seeing the sun or smelling fresh air brings a whole new meaning to the phrase, ‘cabin fever’. When she wasn’t there he’d pace the cabin like an animal in the zoo. He couldn’t stand being so isolated from everything, even the sun and fresh oxygen. Being stuck with a violent psycho.

He learned how not to piss her off, even though she was volatile. He was in denial about everything he had to do in order to survive. Play the part he was given, give her what she wanted when she wanted it. Especially when it came to sex. He would distract his mind while she used and abused him. He’d think of how to operate certain con jobs or count the logs and start multiplying and dividing the numbers. 

The voice in his head kept getting louder, ‘ _Peter’s not coming! You’re stuck here! You’re going to die here! Peter’s not coming! He thinks you ran! He thinks you ran! Peter's not coming!'_

One night she walked towards him wearing nothing but a bra and underwear. He slowly backed up towards the head of the bed, bringing his legs in front of his chest and wrapped his arms around them. She went into a small nightstand drawer and got out a small bottle and a few lengths of rope.

After closing the drawer she turned towards Neal, “Are you going to be good tonight?” The question hung heavy in the air.

He took a deep breath, “Ye-Yes.” Trying to steady his voice.

Christina looked down at the rope in her hands and thought for a while.

“I’ll-I’ll be good. Please.” He begged

A small malicious smile crawled across her face, “Good.” She put the rope down on the table and walked over towards the bed, “On your back. Stretch out.” She saw his hesitation. She raised her eyebrows, shrugged, and turned back towards the table, “Alright then. We’ll do it the hard way.”

“Okay!” Pure fear seeping from his voice. She smiled.

There was nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide.

He complied to her command. She sat on the bed and straddled him, pulling his pants and underwear down in one fluid motion. She pulled up his t-shirt, “Off.” She commanded. Neal shakily took off the shirt and dropped it on the floor. She grabbed the bottle of lubricant that she brought over and opened it. She squirted some into her hand and got to work.

Neal laid there and stared at the ceiling, counting the logs in a futile attempt to distract his mind. He gripped the sheets as he tried to control his breathing.

As she stimulated his dick she praised, “You’re doing great, Neal. You’re so fucking gorgeous. So fucking amazing.”

After a while, she started getting angry that she wasn’t getting the results that she wanted.

He knew, when she got angry. She got violent.

Christina yelled, “Why won’t you get hard you piece of shit!!” She punched him in the stomach which completely took the wind out of him. She delivered a few more strong punches before getting up and going into the kitchen. Neal, doubled over in pain, curled up at the head of the bed. His eyes widened in fear when he saw her coming back with a kitchen knife. He instinctively grabbed the closest thing to him, a pillow, and put it in front of himself. She stood over him and brought down the knife. He held up the pillow as an impromptu shield. The knife cleared the pillow. She tried to stab him through the pillow. Neal tried to stop her, but Christina was stronger than he was. The knife nicked his shoulder before losing contact with his skin for a moment.

“You fucking shit!” She yelled. She got a few more stabs in, resulting in a few minor wounds on Neal’s upper body before she finally stopped.

“That will fucking teach you.” She muttered. Even though it was just a mistake. That shit can happen.

She angrily got dressed from her clothes on the floor and put on some shoes. She slammed the heavy door, taking the knife with her.

Neal looked at his wounds. They didn’t need stitches or anything but they still bled a little and hurt. He pulled up his pants and grabbed his shirt from the floor. He curled up on the bed and cried. He wondered if she was going to come back or if she just left him there to starve to death.

A few days later she came back. She immediately gave him a devious smile and pulled a bottle of little blue pills from her pocket, “We’ll never have that problem again.”

They never did.

Several weeks later she told Neal that she was pregnant.

* * *

“I can’t believe it only took a couple of months! Some people try for so many months or even years without any success. I guess it was just meant to be.” She hugged him. He was frozen in place. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t breathe. His heart stopped. His blood ran boiling hot and ice cold at the same time. He started seeing spots, like he was about to pass out. She was jumping with joy but stopped when she realized his reaction. “Aren’t you happy? You’re going to be a father. We’re going to be parents.” Her voice had the sharp edge to it that he was now all too familiar with. Do what I want or else.

He knew to play his part, “Yeah, yeah of course. Just comes as a surprise.”

“I’m so excited for **_our_ ** child.” 

That sent shivers down his spine. He didn’t want to be associated with her in any way. Let alone have a child. 

‘ _You cannot deny what’s happened anymore. So much for ‘no one has to know’ Everyone will know. Everyone will know what she did. People won’t believe you. Some may, others won’t. You’ll be connected to your abuser_ **_forever._ ** _What the fuck do you do now? You can’t just spend the rest of your life with this psycho and bring an innocent child into this fucked up hellhole. Peter where are you?! I_ **_need_ ** _you!’_

Neal tried and failed to calm himself down by taking deep breaths. ‘ _What if Peter finds you and she’s still pregnant. What will he think? What happens then?_ _What happens now anyway?_ _You can't escape until she either gives birth or miscarries. How are you going to get a kid out of here when you can't get out? What the fuck happens now?'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think? Let me know in the comments below!!!!!


	6. One Step Forward, Three Steps Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neal's disappearance weighs heavily on Peter and Mozzie. 
> 
> Later they find a new suspect in the case.

Peter was spending another long night sitting on his couch studying Neal’s casefile. He was on his fourth beer that evening, his tie was loose around his neck and the first button of his dress shirt was unbuttoned. 

Elizabeth came home from an event late that night to see her husband where she normally found him. Studying Neal’s file.

She took off her jacket and sat next to Peter, she gave him a hug. “It’s going to be okay, hun.”

Peter shook his head, “No, it’s fucking not okay. It’s been  _ five fucking months! _ And I have nothing! Not a _ fucking clue!”  _ Elizabeth just rubbed his shoulder, “I told Ellen Parker that if anything were to happen to him, I don’t know what I’d do with myself. He’s my responsibility, El. I should have...I should have watched him closer. Watched everyone in his life closer. We always knew this was a dangerous deal if the wrong person found out…I was supposed to  _ protect _ him.”

Elizabeth didn’t know what to say. Saying ‘you’ll find him’ was already becoming an empty platitude. She hated to see the man she loved more than anything so hurt. She just gave him a hug. 

This was so much different than the last long search for Neal. Last time he looked for months on end was when he was originally trying to catch Neal the very first time. He was trying to arrest a wanted fugitive.

Now he was trying to find his lost best friend. 

At least Neal would give him something small to work with every so often, their cat and mouse game. Whoever took him had been completely silent. She left no clues. Nothing to work with. It was obvious she had no intention of playing games.

Peter, whether it be his knowledge of Neal or just plain denial, was  _ certain _ Neal was alive and okay. 

Elizabeth on the other hand...it wasn’t that she thought Neal had been killed....but she knew the odds of him surviving this long were slim to none. She knew that even if he was found, how did the experience change him? Being held hostage for months on end. She tried to bring it up a few times, she was met each time with Peter’s fierce denial.

* * *

June convinced Mozzie to go storage unit hunting one Saturday. She eventually convinced him to get outside and get his mind off of Neal. The auctioneer opened a unit with a bunch of large boxes in front. Mozzie had a feeling about this one and outbid everyone.

Afterwards, they went to the unit to check it out. They chatted while moving boxes and were shocked and horrified to see the walls covered in pictures and news clippings, marked maps, and internet printouts of Neal and his cases. Extremely zoomed in pictures of him and Sara (and various other women) with their faces cut out.

Hundreds of pictures of Neal, all taken from quite a distance. Similar pictures of Peter, a handful of Mozzie. Everyone in Neal’s life. Some of Neal’s forgeries, one of his fedoras, articles of his clothing, a copy of his FBI case file. 

Mozzie broke the silence as they cautiously walked around the storage unit, “I’m gonna call Peter.” 

He answered, “Hello?”

“Drop everything  _ right now.  _ Go to 28 Stanton Street on the Lower East Side, right now! It’s about Neal.”

“On my way!” Peter ran out of the office grabbing Jones and Diana along the way. They got there, wondering what was going on. They see June and Mozzie standing in the middle of the storage unit turned Neal shrine.

Jones said in complete disbelief, “Oh. My. God.”

Peter was still in shock, “Someone has been stalking him for years. Someone’s been stalking all of us.”

Diana saw a picture of her in the park with Teddy. “That’s my son. That motherfucker. I’m gonna kill them.” Jones saw a picture of him at work and one of him out drinking with friends which was only taken a few months earlier. Peter saw a picture of himself with Neal and El in his house.

“That’s my wife. And my house.” Venom dripped from his voice. He saw a picture of Neal leaving the office with Peter dated for the day they knew he was taken and one of him leaving the van dated for the same day. 

He looked around and opened a box which turned out to be files on everyone who has worked in White Collar in the past ten years and Neal’s tracking data since inception with radius. She had professional grade recon on everyone in Neal’s life, past and present. He picked up a journal from the table and thumbed through it. It was a daily log of Neal’s movements and routines. It was meticulously organized.

“Who the hell is this?” Peter asked in horrified shock

All of a sudden the cold case became hot again. They got CSU in to see if Neal’s ever been there, later they found out that he was never there. They found someone’s prints all over the place. They prayed they’d find a match. There was no evidence in the unit about where Neal could have been taken.

* * *

Diana came up to Peter’s office, “I found that the storage locker was registered to a PO box with a name so sloppy it’s just swiggles. The PO box didn’t lead me anywhere and the storage unit went up for auction a few months ago when the bill was months overdue and they stopped paying cash.”

Peter commented, “Of course we can’t get a damn break.” He took a deep breath, “Was there anything concretely tying where she could have taken him or who she is?”

“Well we actually caught a break there.” Diana handed Peter a file. 

Peter raised his eyebrows in interest “Oh.” He flipped through the file.

“We found the fingerprints matched a woman named, Christina Mendoza. Her prints were in the system when she applied for a Spanish student visa a decade or so back.”

“Any connection to Neal?”

“She worked for Vincent Adler when Neal worked there.” Peter noticed her voice wasn’t completely encouraging.

“But…” Peter just knew there was a ‘but’ coming.

“But she was an intern in a different department. She would have  _ never _ seen Neal.”

Peter sighed, “And we have nothing concrete connecting her to the abduction.” Diana nodded.

“So even though we found this place, we found  _ no  _ evidence that directly connects her to Neal’s abduction.”

“Well yeah but we have a new suspect. We’re getting there, Peter. Slowly, but we’re getting there.” Diana tried to comfort him.

“Yeah, but we’re going too slow.”

Diana’s tone turned serious, “We’ll find him, Peter. And she’ll never see the light of day again.”

Peter got to leave, “I have to see if Mozzie’s got anything.”

* * *

Peter found Mozzie and updated him about the storage unit. Mozzie came up empty and ended up blowing up at Peter.

Mozzie yelled, “Damn it, Peter!” Peter was caught off guard that Mozzie didn’t call him the normal, Suit. “I thought you were supposed to always know where Neal is! Because Big Brother and the other Brooks Brothers are always watching everyone! Especially Neal! How could you not know that he was being stalked? That you were being stalked? That Elizabeth was being stalked?” Peter didn’t have a good answer to this. He didn’t have any answer. Mozzie threw his hands in the air, sarcastically and exasperated, “You’d think with intensive government surveillance he’d at least be protected from the people that want to hurt him! You were ALWAYS supposed to know where he was!”

Peter looked defeated and just let Mozzie rant, “But NO! You leave him out to DIE! He’s stuck his neck out for you Suits for YEARS! You CONSTANTLY put him in danger and he cooperated. He never ONCE turned down an assignment! And THIS is how you repay him!” He seemed to calm down and said, “This is just, complete bullshit. This all is just, complete bullshit.”

“Mozzie.” Peter tried to talk him down

Mozzie raised his hand, “Don’t.” and walked away.

Later that night Peter was sitting at his kitchen table when his phone rang.

“Hello.”

“I’m sorry about earlier, Suit. I shouldn’t have blown up at you. I was upset and I took it out on the wrong person.”

“It’s okay. You’re going through a lot. We all are.”

“I was there. I was fucking  _ there  _ goddamnit! And I no matter what I do, I cannot for the life of me remember a single fucking thing!”

“That’s not your fault, Mozzie.”

“Yeah well it feels like it.” His voice was cold and bitter. Peter heard him take a few deep breaths. His voice was calmer now, “I know that you care about Neal a lot. I know you’re doing everything you can to bring him home.”

“I know you are too.”

There was a moment of silence then Mozzie said, “It’s just really hard. You know?”

“I know.” Peter said

“And oddly enough, you’re the only person that even remotely understands.”

“Neal’s family, to both of us. We’ll bring him home.” Peter tried to comfort Mozzie.

“Suit, I hope you’re right. I  _ really _ hope you’re right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We go back to Neal and Christina next chapter which is super exciting as things escalate.


	7. Trapped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christina confirms the pregnancy and Neal tries to wrap his head around everything. Later she insists on celebrating the holidays with him like everything was normal and Neal sees what lies outside the cabin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so I did post half of this chapter earlier but decided to add it to this next chapter because it's been a while since there's been a longer chapter. Hope you enjoy it!

The night she told Neal she was pregnant, tons of thoughts ran through his head. His mind was going at a million miles an hour. 

He knew that it wasn’t about  _ him  _ anymore;. It was about getting an  _ innocent child _ away from a psychopath. 

‘ _ She didn’t show you any proof. She could just be fucking with you.’  _ It crossed his mind, because all he had to go on was her word...which wasn't worth jack shit. ‘ _ But what would she do to you if you said you didn’t believe her?’ _

He knew he couldn’t try escaping until the baby was either born or she miscarried., ‘ _ It’s early. It could happen.’  _ He thought. Even though his escape plans have been dismal with a splash of pathetic.

If she really was pregnant, his mission now was to get this child away from her. Because he just  _ knew _ that she wouldn’t hesitate to hurt a child. 

Neal couldn’t stand the idea of Christina bringing more people into her trail of destruction.

If that baby made it to term he thought of it as his duty to get the baby out of there and back to safety. He thought about the possibility of Peter finding him while Christina was pregnant. Although that was seemingly going as well as his escape plans. He thought about how she’d give birth in prison and if he was in prison serving the remainder of his sentence then that baby would go in foster care and never be seen again. Over the years Mozzie had told him about his time in foster care and his experience as an orphan. How the system hadn’t changed too much over the years. How it fucked him up that his parents sincerely didn’t want him and that he knew nothing about his parents or family, and wasn’t even 100% certain of what his birth name was. Neal knew he couldn’t do that to a child. He couldn’t give the child up for adoption if he got out.

What also crossed his mind was the possibility of as soon as he got back to New York being arrested and sent back to jail or put back on the anklet to serve the remainder of his sentence. Although he would gladly take prison instead of this. He never thought he’d think that. 

He still had almost no knowledge as to where the fuck he was. The thick walls and insulation kept him from ever hearing a single goddamn thing.

Well his doubts were proven wrong when Christina pulled a folded picture from her black leggings pocket. “Here’s the sonogram!” She unfolded the photo and showed him. Neal took the picture and studied it. He hoped to god it was photoshopped. After studying the photo, he knew it was real. She was telling the truth. 

“It’s too early to tell the gender but honestly as long as they’re healthy, then I really don’t care.” Christina had a glowing smile. “What about you??”

“What?”

“What would you want? A boy or girl?”

Neal considered this to be a mistake and he shouldn’t be there. This shouldn’t be happening. “As long as they’re healthy then I don’t care.” 

She liked that answer.

* * *

That night after forcing him to have sex with her, she cuddled next to him in bed, her head on his chest. “You know why Peter hasn’t come, right?” He looked at her confused, “He just saw you as a nuance. What you could do for him and the Bureau. Why do you think he never  _ truly  _ trusted you?”

Neal didn’t know how to respond to that.

She continued, “He was just using you to get ahead in his career. He just saw you as a stepping stone to bigger and better things. Then when he’d get the big promotion, he’d terminate your once in a lifetime deal and throw you back in prison while he got a comfy government salary and the corner office.”

Neal didn’t want to believe her. 

“He  _ always  _ found you. This time he barely looked because he was  _ finally rid of the dead weight. _ He got what he wanted, your knowledge, exploited it for all it’s worth, and now you’re  _ useless _ to him.” 

She looked at him in the eye, “The baby and I are the only ones you have left. The only ones who ever  _ truly _ wanted you  _ for you _ .”

‘ _ Is she right?’  _ Neal didn’t know anymore. 

* * *

One day she was sitting in the living area sewing together a hole in a blue cotton shirt. She had Neal cleaning the kitchen. “You know,” She started, “I’ve always wondered, when do humans start to feel pain? Some say it’s in the womb...Obey me and we won’t find out.”

Neal stopped in shock. He  _ knew  _ she was crazy enough to hurt the unborn child.

Suddenly it hit him, he realized her game plan going forward. She wasn’t going to hurt him anymore. She had all the leverage she needed to keep him in line without any violence. She’d use the child. All she had to do was threaten the child and she  _ knew  _ he’d be putty in her hands. 

And she was 100% right. 

She also knew Neal would never leave the baby alone with her. He’d never escape without the child. It was like the ending of  _ Gone Girl.  _ She was Rosamund Pike and he was Ben Affleck. 

“I know you’d  _ never _ abandon your family. You’d  _ never _ abandon your child.”

Neal felt like she was staring into his soul. “I know deep down you’ve always wanted a family. A hopeless romantic family man at heart. Children not having the childhood you had. Our children will grow up better than you did, better than I did. Two loving parents instead of a family friend who’s working all the time and a mother who’s too out of it mentally to take care of a child. You basically had to raise yourself, didn’t you?” She gave him a sympathetic look, “You  _ never _ have to worry about that with our children.”

There was so much for Neal to wrap his head around. He didn’t know what unnerved him most, her knowing about his childhood which was sealed away in a WITSEC file somewhere, the fact that she always talked like this situation was fucking normal, or that she said, ‘children’ as in plural. 

‘ _ Oh god. This is  _ **_never_ ** _ going to end.’ _

* * *

Peter had yet to come save Neal. He tried to tell himself all the damn time that Peter still cared and was still coming. It was just taking significantly longer this time. He wondered what Peter would think about the pregnancy. What everyone would think about the pregnancy. He hoped to fuck they knew it was  _ never _ consensual. Neal was shoved into this position and now he’s been forced to deal with it. Neal quickly realized that this wasn’t going to be a close call that he could just brush off and move on. THis was a life shattering event, even before she got pregnant. He had no idea how much time had actually passed, he had lost track of the days long ago with no real way to keep a tally without her finding out and thinking of a new way to torture him because of it.

He was taken in the late spring/early summer and knew it was getting towards the end of the year when she started talking about celebrating Thanksgiving and Christmas. He didn’t want to celebrate anything with her. He couldn’t think of anything more fucked up and depressing than being forced to celebrate family holidays with your abuser and captor. Holidays in prison weren’t nearly this depressing or fucked up.

Christina got the potatoes off the stove and started to mash them. She got them and other vegetables from her garden that she harvested a while back.

“Next Thanksgiving we’ll have our baby with us.” Christina said while mashing potatoes with more force than was really needed. Her pregnant belly was a decent size as she was about mid way through her pregnancy.

Neal tried to let that comment go in one ear and out the other. He added it to the ever growing list of things he tried not to think about. He was good at not thinking about things. He was compartmentalizing to survive.

He didn’t want to think about how she was very clearly planning for the future. For this to continue. Forever.

Christina took the turkey out of the oven again. She carved it up and put some on two plates, along with some mashed potatoes and vegetables.

She put the plates on the table and sat down across from Neal. She smiled and said, “I’m thankful for you.” She rubbed her stomach, “And our baby.” A chill ran through Neal every time she said, ‘our baby’. His goal was to survive long enough to get the child away from her.

* * *

Not too long after she brought a about 6 foot tall Douglas Fir tree into the cabin. He noticed she was having a tough time with getting it in. “You need help.” Anything to stay on her good side.

“No, I got it.” 

He knew she said that because it would involve him getting anywhere near the door. But they both also knew that Neal couldn’t and wouldn’t try anything while she was still pregnant. 

She insisted on being festive while decorating the tree. When she did shit like this and truly acted like they were a consensual couple living together expecting a baby, just decorating their tree and spreading Christmas cheer, it messed with his head. He felt like he was going even more insane because he knew this wasn’t normal but she was acting like not doing this would be not normal. She had ugly Christmas sweaters, decorations, Christmas carols, the whole nine yards. Like everything else, he was forced to play along with this fucked up game of house in fear of what she would do if he didn’t play along. 

* * *

Christina was doing chores outside when she came inside all sweaty and out of breath. Neal was inside doing chores.

“I need your help outside.” He was very surprised and hesitant. He wondered if it was a test or a trap.

“Move it! Now! I mean it!” Christina yelled and pointed out the open door. She tossed him a pair of boots and a jacket. “You’ll need those. It’s cold out.” 

Neal stuffed his pant legs into the boots and put on the jacket. It was a little big, like it would have fit nicely a few months ago. He walked outside and the sunlight reflecting off the snow made his eyes water and the cold air smacked him in the face. He looked up and saw the sun. It was the first time he saw the sun since that Friday what felt like an eternity ago.

Neal took stock of his surroundings. The air smelled fresh instead of the stale dank air in the cabin. They were in a large sized clearing. Pine trees on his right when he came out, then the cabin, then a river on his left, finally there was more clearing. There were mountains behind the cabin and mountains in front of it about 75 feet away. Large pine trees all around, couldn’t identify a species. A river a couple yards away flowed down past them on his left as he came out of the cabin. He figured he was most likely still in the US, thought that because there was a slight chance she could have gotten him into the Canadian mountains. Clotheslines ran from three fruit trees about not too far from the shed. There were more fruit trees around the clothesline. There was a garden right against the cabin and a shed near the river about 25 feet from the cabin.

It felt so good to be outside after so long he never wanted to go inside again.

Christina grabbed his attention by snapping, “Hey! I need you to move this bear into the shed so I can skin it. I would move it but my stomach’s too large.” That brought Neal’s attention to the large black bear about 10 feet from the cabin and a few feet in front of him. Neal noticed how the bear was killed, a slit throat and a bullet between the eyes. He thought that was a bit overkill. He already knew that she had no qualms about killing. He wondered if she would kill him like that. Then just throw him in the shed. An even more terrifying thought crossed his mind _ , would his body even be found? _ He quickly got that thought from his mind. She’s obsessed with him and she wouldn’t kill him.  _ Would she? _ No... _ probably _ . He got his mind back in the here and now when Christina snapped her fingers again annoyed, “Hey! Get it in the shed! Chop chop!”

He wasn’t as strong as he was before but with time, leg work, and a lot of grunting he managed to get the bear into the shed. The shed wasn’t too large. Christina grabbed a large hunting knife and started to skin the bear. Neal noticed the walls were covered in shelves that had canned fruit and veggies. Boxes lined the wall on his left. He noticed what seemed to be part of a door on the floor, like one to a cellar. It was mostly covered by boxes but he noticed a corner not covered by boxes. There was a freezer a few feet from the door against the wall and a workstation against the right wall.

Christina told Neal, “Go back to the cabin. I’ll be back later.”

“You know, I can help with this. You shouldn’t be doing all this manual labor with the baby.”

“I’ll be fine, I've done it before.” Christina insisted and started hacking away at the bear. Neal really didn’t want to go back to the cabin. Not just yet.

He tried to reassure her, “I’m not going to try anything.”

Christina looked up and asked, “How do I know?”

“Because I haven’t tried anything before.”

“Because I haven’t given you the chance. You know I love you, Neal, but we still have a trust issue.” Neal had to physically bite back a, ‘ _ No shit, really? _ ’ because...for obvious reasons. Abusers and kidnappers don’t take sarcasm well.

Instead he said, “You must trust me at least some to let me outside. You’ve never done that before.”

He saw her thinking about it and finally she said, kinda defeated, “Fine, I’ll cut and you’ll bag the meat, put it in the vacuum sealer, then in the freezer.” She then added pointing the large bloody hunting knife at him for emphasis, “It would  _ not _ be a good idea to touch anything else.”

Neal put his hands up and said, “I know.” Christina then went on about how long the bear will feed them and how they could use all the parts of the bear. As Neal worked he couldn’t help but wonder what’s in the boxes on the other side of the shed, what she had in that cellar. The amount of meat in the freezer and the amount of fruit and veggies on the wall shelves also greatly alarmed him. It was yet another reminder that she was in this for the long haul. He tried not to think about that. He couldn’t even try to disarm her because he couldn’t risk the baby getting hurt.

She let him outside a few more times but it was few and far between. During the days and lying in bed at night he tried strategizing. But it was hard since he knew nothing beyond the clearing. He didn't know how far he was from civilization. He felt that he might just have to wing it because he had no way of knowing what's beyond the clearing until he was there. He also had no fucking clue how to get a baby out safely. He’s been slowly losing faith in Peter finding him, the little voice in the back of his head was getting louder and louder. ‘ _ Peter’s not coming! He doesn’t care about you! He’s glad you’re gone!’  _ but he wouldn’t think about that either. 

He took everything day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, guys, girls, and those who believe the gender binary is for squares. What do you think? Let me know in the comments because I love to chat and hear what you all think! Wouldn't be here without you all! ♥️


	8. I Will Defend Your Every Breath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christina's water breaks. Neal makes a promise he's very uncertain he can actually keep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas!!!!!!!  
> Stay safe you guys!!!!
> 
> Inspired by; Light; Sleeping at Last, I'll Keep You Safe; Sleeping at Last

The days dragged on. Still no Peter. 

_‘_ _Peter’s not coming! He doesn’t care about you! He’s glad you’re gone!’_

Neal continued being forced to play Christina’s fucked up game of house. The days were a terrifying yet oddly mundane routine. He missed his friends and family. He wondered if Mozzie was really dead. If Peter was really looking for him. If Peter thought he ran. If Peter even cared. 

Her mind games were working. 

Neal would give _anything_ to have his old life back. To go into the office in the morning, work with Peter. Hang out with Mozzie. 

He knew that he would _never_ have that life again. 

At least not as he knew it.

Too much has happened. Too much time has passed.

* * *

It was a morning just like any other. The same routine. Christina was out gardening and taking care of the outside chores while she had Neal cleaning up the inside. Christina came in a few hours later holding her lower stomach. She went into the bathroom and he heard the shower turn on. Neal heard it turn off about 10 minutes later. She came out in a baggy t-shirt and sweatpants. Not her usual attire. She had her usual calmness. Like nothing ever affected her...until she found a reason to punish Neal. 

She checked the dishes on the drying rack, “Alright. Good job.” She got angry when a chore wasn’t up to her standards. Neal learned that quickly.

She grimaced in pain, holding her stomach as she continued walking around the cabin finding little things to distract herself. 

He was concerned about the child. “Everything okay?”

She was putting a few books away in the cabinet, “Yeah, I’m fine. My water broke a few hours ago. Been having contractions ever since.”

To say that took him by surprise was an _understatement._

“It’s that something to be concerned about?”

“No, my body basically does everything from here. All I have to do is push once it’s time.”

She seemed oddly calm about being in active labor.

“How far apart are the contractions?”

“3-5 minutes.”

Suddenly, things became _very_ real. 

He had to help a psycho give birth to his child in a cabin in the middle of nowhere with no medical help.

Neal set some towels down on the bed and then sat at the table. There wasn’t too much for him to do at first. He did find it _very satisfying_ to see his abuser and captor in so much pain. It was beyond gratifying. 

She screamed in agony for hours. Neal enjoyed seeing her in that much pain.

Finally she started to crown. Neal got ready to catch the baby. With a few pushes the baby was out and fell in Neal’s arms.

A beautiful baby girl. He was frozen in shock. She was the first face he’d seen, other than hers, in over a year.

He cleared her face and lungs, but she hadn’t cried yet. “Cry! Please! Please! Cry!” 

He prayed that she would cry. She finally let out piercing wails that bounced off the soundproof walls. It was the most beautiful sound. It was the first voice other than hers he heard in over a year. “That’s my girl.” Tears filled his eyes.

The attachment was immediate. It finally hit him, _‘I have a child.’_ For the first time since he woke up there he felt something that wasn’t fear, terror, panic, pain, or hate. 

He felt...love, joy. Which felt so weird, almost wrong.

But that was all quickly taken away when Christina demanded to hold her. Suddenly this fear, the likes of which he’s never felt before, set in. She demanded again with a murderous glare.

“Give. Me. **MY**. Daughter.”

He regretfully handed over **his** daughter.

He stood there in shock as she cooed over her and boasted about how they were a family now. 

“I can cut the umbilical cord.”

“No I got it.” Christina insisted, she had a knife on the nightstand for this purpose. Before she was able to she started passing the afterbirth. She slowly and hesitantly gave Neal the knife to cut the cord, He did. She grabbed it back.

Neal insisted, “I was going to give it back!”

She didn’t need to grab it back, or keep the knives away in the first place. It wasn’t like he could get away. If he tried anything he was dead. 

More importantly, he would never jeopardize his child’s life or safety.

* * *

She fell asleep soon after. Neal took the baby from the little bassinet next to the bed and sat down on the floor against the foot of the bed and held her tight. He whispered in her tiny ear, “I’m going to get you out of here. I’ll do whatever it takes. Somehow, someway, I’m going to get you out of here. **I promise.** ”

At that moment, Neal truly lost faith in Peter doing what he does best...finding him. It was the one time that Peter couldn’t find Neal. 

He knew that it had been more or less a year. If he didn’t have anything by then he wasn’t going to, or worse, he was on a wild goose chase. Neal knew if they were going to get out there, it would be all up to Neal.

The innocent baby girl lit a fire inside Neal of renewed determination to find a way out

He whispered in her tiny ear, “ I promise on my life, I’ll get you out. However possible.” She cooed and squirmed, Neal held her tight, “I’ll get you back to New York. You’ll meet Uncle Peter and Aunt Elizabeth. Maybe even Uncle Mozzie. You’ll be surrounded by family. I will keep you safe. I will be the best father I can be. I promise I’ll do better. I’ll be better. Because you need me. You deserve better. You deserve better than this. I know, I’m the only parent you truly have. I **will** get you out.”

Neal knew he was making a very big promise that he was very unsure he could actually keep.

He couldn’t stop looking at her. Neal was surprised with how much he was able to love her. How quickly it happened. She was beautiful and healthy, and perfect. She looked just like Neal.

Looking into her deep sapphire blue eyes he thought, ‘ _Who could ever hate when they were staring into the eyes of such a creation? How can a monster kidnap me and hurt me every day when beauty like this exists? How can something so wonderful come from something so painful? I didn’t think that was possible._

_I won’t let that monster harm my baby. Everything I am is now dedicated to prevent it and get us out._

_One day we’re getting out of here. One day soon maybe. One day late maybe._

_But one day nonetheless._ ’

It was terrifying yet oddly comforting that in that dark hellhole...he was no longer alone. Neal was alone with her for so long, and now he wasn’t.

“With every heartbeat I have left, I will defend your every breath.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you think?


	9. Protection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mozzie and Peter meet on the day that Neal's sentence was supposed to be up.  
> Neal protects his daughter...but at great cost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry it's been such a while! Been busy then my mental health went to shit. Hope to post more often now, despite my mental health being shit.

Neal just sat there holding the baby. She peacefully slept cradled in his arms, swaddled in a blanket. Unaware of everything going on around here. Despite being born from pure evil, she was pure innocence and good.

He sat there for what felt like minutes but was actually hours. Eventually he felt like she was watching him. Like her eyes were burning into the back of his head. He turned his head and saw her staring at him, smiling. Neal always found her smiles unnerving. He always knew there was something more sinister going on. Because there always was. “She should be fed.” 

That paralyzing fear overwhelmed Neal once again. He regretfully handed over the baby. He intensely watched as she nursed. 

After she finished she just held the baby, but soon she started wailing. Christina tried to calm her but to no use. The baby would not stop crying. Neal kept saying, “Let me try.” He offered to take the baby but she completely ignored him. Christina tried to calm her herself. When she realized that the baby wasn’t going to stop, she just said, “She just needs to cry it out. She’ll be fine.” She got up and put her in the bassinet nearby. She should not have been getting up and walking so soon after giving birth.

“Let me try.” Neal said again.

“I’m her MOTHER! I KNOW what’s best!” Seemingly shutting down the conversation for good.

She screamed for probably another 10 minutes before finally quieting. Which Neal was grateful for. Because he worried what would happen if the baby kept crying.

* * *

Peter was at his kitchen table. He was looking at the current case that he's supposed to be working on, a forgery of a famous sculpture. He couldn’t concentrate on it, which wasn’t a surprise. He has been off his game since Neal disappeared. He kept looking at Neal's case file across the table. He ended up grabbing it, and took yet another look. The case has long gone cold with not a single lead since the storage unit. He still hadn't given up. He and Mozzie were the only ones really working on it now. They would call each other every once in a while to check in. He wouldn't give up, not until he found Neal, dead or alive.

He heard a knock at the door. He got up and opened the door. It was a seemingly already drunk Mozzie. He was holding a half drunk bottle of vodka. Peter waved him in and Mozzie wordlessly collapsed on the couch. He knew why Mozzie was there completely shitfaced. 

Neal’s sentence was up today. 

He was supposed to be free. Finally.

Peter and Mozzie weren’t even sure if he was alive. 

“You need some.” Mozzie slurred.

“I think you’ve had enough.” Peter took the bottle from Mozzie’s weak grasp and set it on the table. 

“We...we were...already planning on...what we were going to do next.” Peter listened attentively from the table, facing Mozzie. “Well...I kept giving ideas but he never said yes to any of them. I think it was because…”

When Mozzie didn’t continue Peter asked, “What?”

Mozzie looked up at him, “Because he wanted to stay here with you. Get a real paycheck for working with you. Settle down.”

Peter didn’t exactly expect that answer from him and Mozzie noticed. 

“Didn’t expect that did you?” Mozzie lazily pointed.

“No. Not exactly.”

THey were silent for a while when Peter said, “El talked a few times about how she was adamant on throwing a party for Neal here at the house. Saying, ‘he can do whatever he wants after, but that night we celebrate.” Mozzie smiled at the thought. “...I...I let him down. It’s just that...the  _ one  _ time I  _ need _ to find him, I can’t. “

“We only let him down if we stop trying. And we  _ know _ we’ll never do that.” The two were silent until Mozzie had to ask a question they both had been thinking about since they found the storage unit, “If she did take him, and is as crazy about him as it seems, she...she wouldn’t hurt him, would she?” He knew Peter would never try to bullshit him, instead give it to him straight.

“I don’t know.” 

Mozzie and Peter both knew this, deep down. They had no idea what her real plans were, what she could have done or was currently doing to Neal.

It scared the absolute shit out of them. That unknown. They had no idea if their nightmares were tame in comparison to reality. Or if their nightmares were lovely dreams when compared with reality. 

“If he’s still alive then he’s probably still with her. If he’s been stuck with her all this time..Then perhaps it would be better if he was dead. Because he wouldn’t be suffering.” He put his head in his hands. He felt awful for saying that. “I had a friend in the homicide unit. In his experience, the worst crimes, other than children, were the slow deaths. Shot in the head or the chest, stabbed repeatedly in the chest, knocked out and killed. Those were pretty easy to work, emotionally speaking. Because it didn’t take them long to die. It was the ones where the killer just wouldn’t let them die. The ones they kept alive for extended periods of time or those that just took hours or days to die of their wounds. Like someone shot in the stomach or stabbed everywhere but a major artery. Those were the ones that were hard for him.” They just kept thinking that’s how they’d find Neal. 

Peter could never forgive himself for what happened to Neal. “He was my responsibility. Him running and getting into trouble is one thing. But him getting hurt. That’s something else entirely.”

* * *

Neal held the small infant tightly and securely as he bounced her up and down, trying to calm her down. She still screamed and screamed. A normally happy baby was having a terrible day and Neal couldn't stop her piercing wails. It was the kind of piercing that left your ears ringing when it finally stopped. Neal cautiously looked over at Christina who was chopping vegetables.

She spoke up, “You coddle her too much. She just needs to cry it out.” He stopped bouncing the baby and looked at her. She gave him a death glare, “Put her down.”

Of course Neal wasn’t going to tell her that letting the baby cry this out wasn’t going to work.

He wasn’t that suicidal.

Neal regretfully put her back in the small soft pink bassinet.

The baby kept screaming which bounced off the soundproof walls of the small cabin. A while later Neal looked over to Christina again and noticed she was getting to her limit. Her jaw was clenched and she was slamming the chopping knife on the board. Not even cutting the vegetables anymore. He prayed that the baby calmed soon. Although he knew better by now.

She finally hurled the knife at the wall across the cabin, lodging it deep in the wall’s thick coating. She stormed over towards the bassinet. Neal swooped in and covered her with his body like a shield. She grabbed his arms and threw him out of the way like he weighed nothing. 

She picked up the child.

Neal barely got to his feet when he grabbed the baby from her hands and shielded her again with his body. “NO!” 

Outraged but not surprised by the reaction, she bent over to straddle him and grabbed his exposed throat, strangling him. She tightly squeezed her hands around Neal’s neck, effectively cutting off the oxygen supply. Her grip grew tighter and tighter. Neal could feel his esophagus tightening. His head spun as he instinctively grasped for air and his body writhed before going limp. He was only able to get air in short quick gasps. His eyes were wide like a wild animal. Neal could feel himself fading away. His arms started to relax. His heart which once was racing now was under dangerously slow. He felt his vision start to close in on him.

She was able to easily grab the baby from his limp arms. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm super excited because we're actually pretty close to the escape/rescue and I've completely reworked it from the original fic and I'm super excited. It's super intense!
> 
> I'll give you a hint: Bundle up, guys! You're gonna need it!


	10. There's No Way Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things keep getting worse with Christina. Especially when she goes to extreme lengths to keep what she has.  
> The Bureau forces Peter to move on from Neal.

The desperate feeling of needing to escape just getting worse and worse. But it also just made Neal more and more hopeless. He knew she intended on this never ending. She was already talking about getting pregnant again as soon as possible because she “wanted children close in age”. She still insisted on having sex after giving birth...it was just a little different since she was still recovering from childbirth. She got...creative, to say the least. Neal knew she was doing this purely to dominate him. Make him feel lesser and submissive.

But he was forced to go with it or else he knew she’d hurt the baby. 

Neal would completely dissociate, go on autopilot during those long nights that never seemed to end because Christina kept demanding more. He was just a tool to be used. Dominated.

She always loved talking after sex. Sometimes he listened, other times he was still zoned out. She would occasionally talk about her childhood. Neal tried to figure out where it all went wrong. What made her become a violent psycho. Except it seemed like she had a pretty normal childhood, really good actually. Made him think about the age old question, ‘nature vs nurture’. It _really_ unnerved him when she would talk about his childhood. He didn’t want to know how she got access to WITSEC files. 

Days would turn into weeks. As soon as she felt she had recovered several weeks later, she insisted on trying for another baby. Although she still enjoyed getting ‘creative’ with sex frequently. 

‘ _This is_ **_never_ ** _going to end. There is no way out.’_

* * *

Peter was sitting in his office doing paperwork when the Section Chief knocked on his open office door with a file in his hand.

“Agent Burke?”

Peter looked up, “Yes.”

“I’m Agent Clarkson.” He introduced, “Good news. We're giving you a new partner.”

Peter was confused, “I don’t do much field work anymore. And I definitely don’t do partners.” He hadn’t had a partner since Neal, nor did he do much field work. It just wasn’t the same without Neal. 

“Well that’s going to change.” He declared, “This division’s conviction rate has gotten unacceptably low. This is one of the changes we’re implementing. You work well in the field with a partner” He handed Peter the file, “He should be here shortly. He’s young and fresh. Graduated top of his class at Quantico and has more than proven himself in the field. We believe that he has great potential and could be a good fit for you.” Peter just thought that no one could ever replace Neal.

“So he’s the new golden boy of the FBI?”

“And you get to mentor him. If this turns out well it will not go unnoticed by the other higher ups.” He added as a side note, “You know, you would really have a place in DC. What could we do to make that happen?”

Peter would never move from New York without knowing what happened to Neal. Peter didn’t give them that reason. Instead he told Agent Clarkson the excuse he’d been telling them for years, “Thank you. I appreciate it, but I’m happy where I am.”

Agent Clarkson rolled his eyes and said, “Alright then. Your new partner should be in shortly.” He turned and left.

Diana came in shortly after and asked, “What was that all about?”

“Apparently I have a new partner.” Diana looked confused. Peter added with sarcasm dripping from his voice, “Hurray.”

* * *

They were all outside doing chores. Christina had the baby in the makeshift front pack. Like a homemade Baby Bjorn. The clearing and mountains around them were always quiet and still. 

Although on this particular afternoon, Neal swore he heard something behind some trees, crunching leaves and pine needles. He kept an eye on Christina to see if she noticed it too. It was most likely just a wolf or something. Neal thought that with any luck maybe the wolf would come and eat her. Fantasy aside he noticed she looked up from her garden and he knew that she heard something.

“You hear that?” She asked

“Hear what?” Neal asked innocently

The sounds got louder as they got closer, Christina hugged the infant close to her chest as a man approached the clearing from the trees near the river. He was about mid-fifties, brown short hair, lots of short facial hair, caucasian, average weight and height, average looks, and was wearing camouflage hunting gear. Christina automatically got defensive

“What are you doing here?! Get off our land!” The man put his hands up, his hunting rifle with shoulder strap dangling in front of his chest.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t know people lived in these parts!” He said, nonthreatening

“What are you doing here!?” Christina angrily demanded again

“I heard these parts were a good place to hunt. I don’t mean to intrude. I swear.”

Christina calmed down when she realized he was just an innocent bystander who stumbled upon them by accident.

She looked down at her garden and said, “Excuse me, I need to get more fertilizer.” She walked into the shed, the door was open.

“It’s easy to get dehydrated walking in these parts. Let me get you some water.” Neal said.

“Sure.” 

The cabin door was open so Neal was able to go over to the kitchen sink where Christina had a pencil and pad. He wrote a quick note for help then got the guy some water. He came back outside, Christina was still in the shed. He gave the glass to the man.

“I’m Nick, by the way. Nick Halden.”

“Barry Lander.” They shook hands which was when Neal slipped Barry the note. Barry saw the paper in his hand, looked at him confused, opened it and read it. He looked at Neal with disbelief to which Neal put his finger to his lips in a silent ‘shh’.

“You really need to leave now. Please.” He gave Barry a look that said, _are you going to give my message?_

“Yeah, I’ll get on my way. Thank you for the water. I’m so sorry again for the intrusion. I didn’t know.” Barry gave Neal a look that said, _yes I’ll relay your message_ with a nod and he put the note in his hunting jacket. Neal looked relieved, just for a second, until he saw Christina come out of the shed. Barry turned around and started to leave when Neal saw that Christina now had a shotgun of her own.

“WATCH OUT!” Neal yelled as Barry turned around Christina shot him in his left temple. The sound of the shotgun echoed throughout the clearing and trees. He fell to the ground. Neal fell from the impact also with his body moving to protect itself. In complete shock, Neal reached over and took his pulse. Unsurprisingly there was nothing.

“I shot him in the temple at close range, do you really think he’s still alive?” Christina said sarcastically as she lowered her weapon. The infant was screaming, crying from the loud bang the shotgun made.

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” Neal yelled, blood and brain splatter all over both of them and their clothing. Neal was only about a foot or two from Barry when he was shot and Christina was about 5 or so feet away.

“He could’ve messed up everything! I couldn’t let him leave!”

Neal was in complete disbelief and shock. He hadn’t comprehended what had happened. That someone was there, was going to get help, and was now lying dead in front of him. 

“I have to get rid of the body, get inside, now.” Neal stood there, still in shock. She pointed the shotgun at his right thigh and commanded, “Get inside! Now! Before I shoot you in the leg!” Neal knew she wasn’t bluffing and didn’t want to test someone who just shot someone at close range in cold blood. He slowly walked to the cabin while looking back at Barry’s dead body, and what was left of his skull. Once inside he heard the door lock from the outside.

He sat on the bed and comprehended what just happened. He got so fucking upset and angry because he thought that he was finally going to get off this fucking mountain. He went up to the door and started screaming and punching the door.

He quickly started sobbing. He screamed, cried, and punched until his voice was raw and his hands and the door were covered in blood. Of course the door was completely fine, no marks whatsoever.

He then leaned against the door then slid down to the floor. Sobbing with his and Barry’s blood all over him.

* * *

Later Neal was exhausted and the pain in his hands was excruciating. His knuckles, along with the rest of his hands were covered in dried blood, beaten up and bruised from hitting the door for so long. He moved from his spot in front of the door and sat in front of the bed. Shortly after, Christina came back very sweaty without the baby. Neal stood up and asked, voice determined, angry, but shaken.

“What did you do with his body? Where’s my daughter?”

“I took care of it. Baby’s fine.” She said nonchalantly without skipping a beat. She blew what could be his last chance at freedom. 

“YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO KILL HIM! HE WAS INNOCENT!” His voice was still hoarse from screaming.

“I already told you! He was going to ruin everything!” She yelled, “I couldn’t let him leave, let alone live.” She scoffed

He stepped back and said as it finally hit him, “He was dead as soon as you saw him. He didn’t have a chance.” Christina smiled and nodded. Neal was still in shock. 

“Where’s my baby?”

“Now, we have something that we need to address.” She completely ignored his question. Neal didn’t know what she meant. 

“What?”

She raised her eyebrows, “You _honestly_ thought this would work? That I wouldn’t find out.”

Neal’s heart raced, he felt like he knew where she was going with this.

She pulled a small piece of paper from her pocket. “Found this in the guy’s pocket when I was looking to take his id.” Neal’s heart stopped. His blood whoosed hot throughout his body. He saw stars and felt like he was about to pass out. 

It was his note to Barry Lander.

_Need help. ASAP. Call FBI Agent Peter Burke 212 342 2344_

“We had _such_ a good thing going, Neal. I thought you learned. I _really_ did. Turns out you were just conning me. You should know better. Now I have to punish you.”

“No, no, no, no, no! Please! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” 

She pulled some rope from the nightstand and pulled a knife from her back waistband. “You’ll fucking learn never to try this again. The hard way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm super excited for the next few chapters because i've got something totally new planned!!! Let me know what you think!!!!!!!!!


	11. Pain and Opportunity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christina severely punishes Neal after he reached out for help. Neal gets a once in a lifetime opportunity. But will it work out for him and his child?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!WARNING!! This chapter has pretty graphic in the depictions of violence. So if you cannot handle that, you can skip to towards the end. Second to last scene. (separated by lines) because that's SUPER important.
> 
> Hope you like it!!!! Let me know what you think!!!!!
> 
> Inspired by; Run Boy Run, Woodkid, and plenty of songs by Peter Hollens. Last Goodbye, Hanging Tree, Song of the Lonely Mountain. (check him out on youtube!)
> 
> Playlists:https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7b7i2pkzEALMT9oTu7k2uW?si=DyAkQsiOQomn_RbaMfJxUw  
> https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL6pH9eOdBa966UoGKWzRGRZ3gE6L9x11-

A young man came in, at a quick first glance he looked like Neal. Peter did a double take when he came into the office. But of course it wasn’t Neal.

He didn't know where Neal was.

The young man introduced himself, “Hello, Agent Burke. I’m Dan Starr, your new partner.” He went in for a handshake but Peter didn’t reciprocate. Didn't even get up from his chair.

“So I’ve heard.” Peter remarked turning his attention back to some files on his desk.

“I’ve heard so much about you. You’re like a legend. I’m so honored to be working with you.”

Peter coldly responded, “Well look through those cases.” He nodded to a small stack of files to his right. “Get back to me with your findings.”

Dan was a little thrown by the cold reception. He thought, ‘ I guess the old adage is true. Never meet your idols.’ He told Peter, “I’ll get right on it.” He grabbed the files and left.

Coming down to his desk he asked Diana, “So that’s the famous Peter Burke, huh?”

“Yep.” Diana replied while looking down from her computer.

“I didn’t know he was so…cold and...distant.”

Jones was walking back to his desk with a cup of coffee, “You know that old trope of the scorned cop who ‘doesn’t work with others anymore’?”

“Yeah.”

“Well that’s Peter nowadays.” Jones answered and sat down

“Nowadays?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“Why would someone stop working with partners?” Jones asked sarcastically

“He had a partner and lost them.” Dan felt stupid that he just put that together. Jones nodded.

“So what are those files you’ve got there?” Diana asked, changing the topic.

* * *

Neal had no idea how long he had been awake at this point. Sleep deprivation was nothing new. He could never sleep in the cabin. He’d normally be awake for days, getting little sleep during the night because he just couldn’t fall asleep sharing a bed with his abuser and captor. Eventually he’d just fall asleep because of pure exhaustion. Once the baby was born, Neal laid awake at night listening to every sound, every breath. Ready to go at the slightest hint of a cry. Because Christina was a very light sleeper. She did _not_ like being rudely awoken. 

His muscles ached and cramped. His shoulders felt like they were dislocating from the position his body was forced into. Christina had wrapped some rope around an old hook in the ceiling. Neal was left to stand on his toes and the souls of his feet with his arms behind him. He only had some thin pajama pants on, revealing his thin pale chest. He had certainly lost weight, but it could have been worse.

She lingered her foot around his. He looked down in panic. She swiped his legs from under him causing him to lose balance and causing his arms to painfully stretch and he groaned in pain. She smiled as he got on balance again. She put her foot near his again and he sadly exhaled. Just another game of hers he’s forced to play.

She smiled and swipe kicked his legs from under again. 

She repeated this till Neal stopped trying to find his balance. She chuckled, “Took you longer than I thought...this is going to be fun.” She rubbed her hands together as she paced around him.

She had several methods of inflicting pain in mind. She started a few blows to the stomach and face which completely knocked the wind out of Neal. His bound arms were the only thing keeping him somewhat upright. 

Another method of which was sitting on the bed near where Neal was hanging. Neal noticed she picked up a thick black leather bullwhip. His eyes widened in fear as she ran the tails through his hands. 

She slowly sauntered towards him not breaking eye contact as she continued to run the whip through her hands. He braced for the pain to follow. Knowing there was no way out. Neal had learned that resisting only made it _so much worse._

She started to whip his chest and back. 

_WACK!_

_WACK!_

_WACK!_

She smiled as she continuously beat him. Neal lowered his head, gritted his teeth and concentrated on not breaking down. 

_Four, five, six, seven -_ they kept coming thick and fast. At first the pain wasn't too much...but that would not last long. The blows were raining down on Neal, from his shoulder blades to his calves, then back up again.

But with each blow, the skin softened and the pain grew and grew to the point that his whole back felt like it was on fire. 

Soon it was unbearable, but they kept coming, mostly on his back and stomach. He had to summon up all control not to move which would just make it worse. Every few seconds a new blow landed. She was completely relentless.

His stomach and back were beet red, all the way down to his calves. Blood was seeping through his pants that clung on to it. Blood trickled down his stomach and back.

‘ _Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Survive. Survive. Survive. I know. I know. Breathe. Survive.’_ The same thoughts he had every time she hurt him, every time she made him have sex with her.

“I do _SO MUCH_ for us! All the work I put into this!!”

_WACK!_

“I GAVE YOU A DAUGHTER!”

_WACK!_

_“_ And _THIS_ is how you repay me!”

_WACK!_

_WACK!_

_WACK!_

She lowered the bloody bullwhip. “I wish you could see yourself right now, Neal,” she murmured, running a hand through Neal’s sweaty hair almost soothingly. “I didn’t think I would enjoy watching you suffer so much, but fuck, you’re gorgeous.” she said menacingly. She lightly traced the lacerations with her finger causing Neal to shiver, trying to resist her touch. “You’re so pretty bloody and bruised. You hurt so pretty”

She put the bloody bullwhip down on the floor, as to not get the bed dirty. She picked up a small taser from the bed. She buzzed it in front of his face a few times. He braced for the pain.

She put the taser up to his chest and lifted his head, bringing him into a kiss as she tased him. The only thing holding him up was the ropes. He felt paralyzed. All of the muscles in his body clenched as tight as they could. The few seconds the taser was pressed to his chest, it was impossible for him to unclench his muscles. He could not think of anything but pain. It seared his brain. It was like he could feel the waves travel throughout his body. He had zero control over his body. (Which was nothing really new for him since he was taken.) 

She repeated this all over his body. No mercy. 

When she finally put the taser down, he found a moment to breathe before the next brand of pain. 

Christina walked to the kitchen where she picked up a large iron rod. She opened the padlock for the wood burning stove. The inside was flaming hot. The flames danced over the rod. The heat from the fire made the end turn red hot. The rod angrily hissed and sizzled when she pulled it from the fire. 

She walked towards him with the red hot iron rod. When Neal saw her coming towards him, his brain instantly made the connection. He knew the rod was in some sort of shape but he couldn’t make it out. His eyes widened, he tried to yell but it just came out as whispers, “Please don’t. Please.”

“You should be still for this. Take a deep breath.” It was a warning but it sounded like a taunt coming from Christina. She devilishly smiled before ramming the rod onto his lower left side of his abdomen. 

At first Neal barely felt anything due the intense amount of adrenaline in his system and his brain and body trying to figure out what the fuck was going on. He heard the rod angrily spit and sizzle against his skin. He smelled the awful acrid odor of burning skin. Once his brain and body caught up with what was happening Neal was suddenly washed in a torturous pain that caused him to let out a piercing scream and thrash wildly, even though it was useless with the ropes. The seconds the rod was firmly pressed on his skin felt like an eternity. When the rod was finally removed the burnt skin’s reaction to the cold air in the room set off a whole new wave of completely mind searing pain.

Neal could barely breathe. His heart thrashed against his chest and he felt like he was going to vomit. When he finally did get a few small deep breaths in the contraction of his chest just irritated the charred skin even more. 

Christina untied him and he ungracefully fell to the floor. 

“Now, why did you make me do that?” Her voice was so condescending it was anger-inducing.

Neal laid haphazardly on the floor, trying to get his breath. 

She left for a few moments. Neal didn’t even try to get up. Every cell of his body was in pure agony. He had _never_ felt this much pain before. 

‘ _Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Survive. Survive. Survive. I know. I know. Breathe. Survive.’_

He looked up when he heard the door open. She was holding the infant. He reached out his arms for her. Christina said matter of factly, “She’s fine by the way. I put her in the shed. Of course I wouldn’t have my daughter see this.”

He eventually got himself to a seated position against the bed and reached his arms out again for the infant. 

She thought for a few seconds. “Alright.” She shrugged and handed him the child. He grabbed her and held her as tight as he could to his bleeding chest. 

“Don’t get blood on her. It’s a real bitch to get out of fabric.” 

She was blaming him for getting blood on the baby’s onesie. Neal just nodded but couldn’t let her go.

Christina walked over to the kitchen where she washed up the tools then her hands. She grabbed some meat from the pantry to prepare dinner like nothing just happened.

* * *

Christina was outside on the roof making some repairs she claimed were necessary. Other chores outside needed to get done but the roof was probably going to take the majority of, if not the whole, day. So she had Neal help her outside. She figured he learned from last time that he wouldn’t do anything. And if they ever did see someone again. Neal knew to never ask for help.

If she hadn’t beaten it out of him in the past year or so, then she certainly did after she killed Barry Lander. 

Neal was hanging up the laundry, as told. The baby was sitting in a little baby seat nearby playing with a toy. They washed their laundry in the river which gave them a very earthy smell. In the early spring, the trees were slowly starting to get their leaves back and the weather was getting warmer, but not warm enough to melt the snow. The weather was still unpredictable. 

“Get the shovel from the shed for the garden.” She demanded after he finished hanging the wet laundry on the clothes line held by two fruit trees.

“Alright.” He went into the shed, but he could not find the shovel. He came out, “It’s not here.”

“Yes it is.”

“Where?”

“I don’t fucking know. Look.”

He looked again, “I can’t find it.”

She sighed, “You competent motherfucker. Hold on, I’m coming.” She started to slowly make her way off the roof. She walked over towards the ladder, except there were a few slick spots on the roof, due to her repairs. She slipped on a spot and was unable to regain her balance. She slid off the roof and crashed to the hard ground below, the snow below giving no comfort. 

Neal stood there and stared. He didn’t know what to do. What to think. 

‘ _Is she...did she just…No...it_ **_can’t_ ** _be that easy.’_

He cautiously walked up to her. It was like everything was moving in slow motion. He couldn’t hear anything. Everything was blurred. He just stared at her body, like he didn’t know what to do. 

‘ _Check her pulse.’_ His mind kept telling him. He couldn’t bring himself to touch her. All the times he was forced to touch her. All the times she touched him by force. His mind also told him ‘ _You never have to touch her again.’_

He finally put his finger below her nose, but not touching her. She was not breathing.

His heart stopped, ‘ _It’s over? It can’t be that easy.’_

He first nudged her with his foot. Nothing happened. He lightly kicked her in the stomach. Nothing happened. So he did it again. Same result. He did it again and again. Finally, the rage hit him. He started kicking her with full force. Over and over while screaming and swearing.

He finally heard someone scream crying. He looked up, taken from his daze. His daughter was scream crying and reaching out for him. She had seen all of this but was of course, too young to comprehend or even remember. 

He slowly walked over towards her, “It’s okay, honey.” He cautiously picked up his daughter, “You’re going to be okay, sweetie.” He held her close.

_‘You have to get the fuck out of here.’_

He ran inside and got all the warm clothes he could. All the blankets he could. He grabbed a small backpack from the shed and grabbed any food that wasn’t locked up. Luckily Christina had several bottles of breastmilk in the shed fridge, which wasn’t padlocked. Unlike the fridge in the cabin. So he made sure to grab those as well as some diapers. 

He took the baby and he ran along the river, to ensure not to make any footprints in the snow. He never looked back. He couldn’t. 

He should have.

He should have _ensured_ she was dead.

Although there was something he could not anticipate. Christina was doing roof reinforcements for a reason. She kept Neal out of the loop for basically everything. Christina knew that there was a large snowstorm heading directly towards them. It was supposed to hit within the next few hours, a day at most. So she was reinforcing the roof to ensure it’s stability. 

Neal had no idea that if he didn’t find help soon. He and his daughter were both fucked. Bound to freeze to death alone in the forest.

* * *

Her head was throbbing. Her stomach cramped like never before. When she got up her memory was a little fuzzy, but she was able to piece it together rather quickly.

‘ _That fucking bastard took_ **_my_ ** _child!’_

She was enraged for a few moments before she remembered the timing. Then she let out an exasperated sigh, “I have to find this fucking moron. Because they’re going to fucking freeze to death. Or die by exposure. Or...literally anything else.” They were more than 50 miles from any sort of civilization. 

So she got appropriately dressed and backed her backpack with everything she could ever need for the cold trek. 

She set out to find Neal and the baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah...that all happened. What do you think???? Let me know any and all thoughts (no matter how small) in the comments below!


End file.
